Why I Held A Grudge Against My High School Boyfriend
One way or another, we all go through heartbreak and it's so hard to understand WHY the heck it happens. Last week I shared a story on social media and had so many women reaching out saying how much this story resonated with them so I just had to share it with you too!
Beth, losing a dream freakin' sucks.
But, losing a dream in my life compelled me to follow a dream I didn't even know I had!
I’ve been silent about this for a long time because it took years to get over and time to heal from the shame because this girl knows how to hold a grudge. No lie, my heart is beating fast and my palms are getting sweaty as I write this.
My hope is that being vulnerable and open with you will help you, in one way or another.
I didn't always have big dreams of living abroad or even running my own business. In fact, my dreams were pretty simple. I wanted to meet a nice guy, fall in love, and become a mother. #imfromohio
That was it.
In high school, I fell in love with the sweetest guy and planned on getting hitched with my high school sweetheart. Like most high school relationships, it didn’t last.
Seven days before we were supposed to start our freshman year of college together, he broke up with me. I was devastated and heartbroken.
I spent two years crying pathetically in my dorm room day after day trying to chase this dream of a life with this guy who didn’t really want me. At the time, my teenage heart couldn’t understand that I was meant for a completely different path.
I was stuck in this downward spiral. I couldn’t understand what I had done wrong.
I remember having session after session with a counselor (God bless the people who work with crazies like me!) where she told me I needed to cut off the relationship and each time I would refuse. Eventually, she gave up on asking.
What I was most afraid of was not losing this person, but the dreams and life I had planned out in my head for us.
I mean, I grew up in the midwest.
I wasn’t meant to lead an out of the ordinary lifestyle. We’re taught to finish school, go to college, marry a good man, have babies, and be kind people. (Btw, there’s nothing wrong with this lifestyle. We all have different callings in life! #momsrock)
After two years in this unhealthy relationship, being on my college campus (which was the size of a large public high school) had become so painful and unbearable.
I tried dating and getting to know other guys, but I just wasn’t in a good place. (Honestly, I don’t know how you girls do it these days!)
So, on a whim, I decided to transfer to Ohio State University. (Shout out to my high school besties for convincing me!) Life changed drastically after that, but that’s a story for another time.
I often think back on the girl I used to be and feel for her.
If only I could tell her how fun and wild her life would turn out. That she would not only find the love of her life but get to see the world, make an impact through her work, and still get to live out her dreams of being a mom (I’m not a mom yet but I know I will be!).
It took a while to get here, but today, I'm grateful that I got my heart broken. Sometimes bad things happen so that something even better can take place.
So, I’ve gotta ask, what are you holding on to so tightly that it is stopping anything else from happening in your life?
Take it from my 18, 19, and 20-year-old self. Let go. Something even better is on its way!
Lots of love,
Beth & the SS Team xo